August Update

It's been awhile since I've posted. I know. I have been way too busy trying to occupy myself with all the crazy things going on in this life of mine.

I've now been at my job for a year and 4 months (woohoo!), and about 3 months ago someone had faith in me to simultaneously work as a rep in both Customer Service and Claims so I've been a busy, multi-tasking lady! (Thank you to my supervisor, Lori, and her boss / my old supervisor, Fe'Lecia, for believing in me!)

Derick and I have been living in our house for about 8 1/2 months now. That's almost long enough to grow a full human baby! We started out with a typical, builder-grade home. Derick and I decided to remodel our 1/2 bath downstairs. We painted, and Derick installed a new tile backsplash. It looks amazing. We've also planted some flowers and kept the front yard up, and last weekend we installed little lights as you walk up to our front door. It's super cute!

Derick *finally* got the raise he has deserved the last 2 1/2 years. Just shy of a $2 raise. This should be tremendous help! (Now the next thing is for him to find a job with benefits so I'm not paying $300/month for his medical/dental anymore. ;])

Around my 1 year mark, I received a raise. A small raise, but a raise. $0.41 - not too noticeable, but grateful the company saw something in me after 8 months (evaluations were in December, I think - payout in April) to provide a small raise. The company I work for is very generous. I still love the place I work. Some days, the job is rough. But it pays the bills and I work with incredible individuals so it makes up for it all (...usually!).

I've been struggling a lot with my anxiety/depression in the recent months. I think it has affected all aspects of my life. I'm finding it much more difficult to concentrate at work. I'm much more aggravated/irritable than usual (no, it's not pregnancy!). The things that are contributing to this the most, I'm not ready to talk publicly about, but it involves some personal things as well as some health issues I've been experiencing.

I started going to a counselor this week. It was so scary and intimidating to make that first step of even calling to schedule an appointment. Once I got through the door and in the chair, it felt so nice to be able to (slowly) open up about my struggles and what is going on in my life. I had a 60-minute session, and while it's still a little bit different/scary/new to me, part of me is anxious to go back. Leaving, I felt a small brick float away off of my shoulder. Not the whole stack, but one little brick - and it was noticeable immediately.

It's hard for me to open up with my voice. I usually do that in writing. I was intimidated, not knowing what this counselor was going to think of me and my thoughts. If she thought I was crazy or if maybe I didn't even need counseling. After I felt a little wave of comfort kick in, I was able to answer her questions truthfully. Slowly, and with a tremble in my voice, but truthfully. And it felt good. Because I got the impression she isn't going to be mad at me for what I say. She isn't going to judge me. She's here to provide an unbiased opinion. And I like the idea of that.

Maybe someday I'll post it all here, but I think that as therapeutic as writing is for me, it might be best for me to try to keep some of these things a little more private and confidential - for now at least. I did write a 16 page "note" about my depression and how I feel. Just about the basics, without going into much detail. I've thought of sharing that with my counselor but maybe I'll wait until we get to know each other a little bit better.

Work is moving to a new building across the street next week, so that will be interesting. Now, I sit in a 4-desk cubicle, alone. I actually kind of like it. It's going to be so different actually sitting by people starting next week. I like to keep to myself usually, but this might be good for me. BRING IT ON! :]

Hopefully I'll be able to find more time to write. I'm not even really sure anyone reads my posts. Regardless, I'll be here again very soon (I hope!). Until then!