Sometimes, you have one of those days where you're reminiscing and wishing that the past was also the present in place of what is actually your present. Today was one of those days for me.
I started thinking about "what if such-and-such never changed?", or "what if I was offered thisotherjob instead of my current job?" I'm not even sure what triggered it, really. I think when my sister mentioned that her, boyfriend-without-the-label had supervisor training for his Post Office job, and it brought back a memory when I did some training and was offered an interview for a Postal position.
I was unemployed for nearly 10 months and had applied for every job I was "qualified" for (and even some I wasn't qualified for...the worst they could say is no!) and was at my last straw. I only had 4 weeks left of the first level of unemployment benefits that I could claim, before it would move into the second level (and the government was at a place where they were cutting benefits for second and third level unemployment claims). I was freaking out (little did I know, I was struggling with PTSD - a new-to-me diagnosis but according to my counselor I've been struggling with this since before I was a double-digit-midget). I didn't know what was going to happen. I tried to prepare myself for the worst, but it was difficult. How was I going to pay my bills? I couldn't rely on Derick or my parents for support me financially. I became more motivated than ever to apply for a job, earn an interview and kick so much butt in that interview that I was offered a job.
I'd applied for literally hundreds of jobs during that timespan. Near the end, I'd seen a post for a position at the main office for USPS and figured I'd apply. I didn't expect any sort of interview, or for there to be any interest in me at all. I'd always heard you had to have connections, or family working for the Post Office in order to even be considered or get a foot in the door. I had neither of those. I'd also been made aware by many individuals that the Post Office was cutting out employees since most everything is done electronically nowadays, and everything was moving to electronic. Email, billing, you name it. Anything (besides packages) that could be sent by mail, could be done through the internet. There was no need for the Post Office as much anymore.
After less than a week, I got an email asking me to go to a testing office to see if I'd be "qualified" to sort mail. I was given a timed computer test with a number of different questions to answer. I had to recognize if there were any incorrect Zip Codes, misspelled street names, invalid addresses and this was supposed to measure my ability to perform this position within the expectations the job carries.
I completed the test and waited for a few days to pass by when my phone finally rang. A gal was impressed with the results on my test and wanted me to come in to interview for the job! I felt a huge sense of relief come across my entire body. It was SO difficult to even come by an interview. I'd interviewed for a total of 5 positions during my 10 month period of unemployment, and apparently I'd bombed every one of them (maybe someone else was more qualified, but I like to think I'm great enough to do anything I set my mind to). I was so excited! Even considering the rumors of the Post Office shutting down.
During this time, I'd also applied for the job I eventually interviewed for, was offered, and took. I was offered my current job literally the day before my interview for the Post Office was scheduled. I was so excited to have even been offered a job, especially considering that they pay a very desirable salary. I called the gal I'd scheduled my interview with at the Post Office. I reached her voicemail so I left a message apologizing for the short notice, but that I'd been offered another position and decided to accept it.
Had I known the type of salaries and benefits a Federal employee receives, I may have continued with the interview. Part of me wishes I would have. Not because I regret taking my job (because I love it). But because my family is close with another family whose members worked for the Post Office for years (their daughter still does, I believe), and I know how great a job that could've been.
Sorting mail all day at the USPS headquarters for my city, NOT interacting with the public...as an introvert, that would've been a DREAM! Then after learning from my sister's boyfriend-without-the-label what sort of salary I could've been making at this time if I'd been offered and accepted the job, and had a year and a half tenure, I started to think...
Where would I be now if I had accepted that job? I know a few things for certain.
I know that I never would've met some of the amazing people I work with now. I never would've built this house or found the property it's on, due to the fact that my co-worker (and high school friend's husband) purchased the property next door and convinced us to purchase this property. I never would've learned about health insurance. I would feel so lost with all the information out there about the Health Care Reform (I feel it's important to understand with all the legalities of it now, even if I wasn't working in the health care/insurance industry). My few friends from the P&C Insurance company never would've left and come to work for the company I work for now. I wouldn't have created a few new friendships with some of the people I work with now. All of these things I am thankful for, and while I know if I didn't have these in my life I wouldn't know what I was missing, I am glad with the results of where this took me. Some days are hard for sure, but I push through and just keep getting stronger and more knowledgeable as each day passes.
While reminiscing all of the "what if"-s, I came across some oldddddddddddd emails from the first "boyfriend" I'd ever had. We met on the internet (go ahead, say it - shame, shame), and had talked on the phone and exchanged pictures and handwritten letters. Luckily, over time - he remained the same person and didn't turn out to be some creepy old dude preying on little children! He was (and is) a great guy. He was so sweet to me. He made me feel important; he made me feel valuable. He told me I was beautiful on the regular (BTW, Justin Timberlake just popped into my head - look up "My Love"). We talked every day. Sometimes, for hours. I didn't have a cell phone yet, so we tied up the home phone lines all night sometimes. He treated me the way almost every girl deserves to be treated, and wants to be treated. My parents were concerned (my mom was a little more, not necessarily "understanding", but lenient with me and the situation). They had every right to be, even though it all turned out to be okay.
I wondered, "how would things have been different if things there actually worked out?" I never would've dated Josh, which means I never would've tried Filipino food. I never would've gotten to enjoy my first apartment out of state. I never would've gotten my precious kitty, Abu. I never would've broken up with Josh and never would've moved on to Derick. That means I never would've gotten into this exact same house. I never would've gotten my precious pups (all 7 of them!)...I know, I'm crazy.
While part of me wishes I would've pursued that Post Office position, or part of me enjoyed parts of my relationship (on the internet), I realize that with each breath I take and each move I make, it's leading me where I'm destined to go. Each decision I make is part of the plan God has in store for me and for my life.
